Check out this provocative post from Brandy Anderson. I truly enjoy her perspective and thoughtful commentary.
May We Have Ears to Hear
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Author Archives: Patrick Cole
Which Way to Forgiveness and Falling Upward
Last year was very difficult. This year I’m focused on forgiveness and a fresh start.
Two references are helping me today. First, the lyrics of Tom Petty’s Time to Move On and second, Richard Rohr’s book, Falling Upward.
Money – Spread It Around
Check out this helpful post from Lynn J Kelly on the healthy perspectives of viewing money as fertilizer.
Generosity as Foundation
Dec 12 – Learning to Love the Monstrous in Ourselves
tricycle.org/article/kai-cheng-thom-interview/
Tricycle magazine offers an insightful and provocative article on Kai Cheng Thom and her book Falling Back In Love With Being Human (c) 2023.
http://www.amazon.com/Falling-Back-Love-Being-Human
Highlights from the article/interview by Sarah Fleming include:
“I needed to know that I could love them,” she writes, “because that meant I could still love myself—as hopeless and lost as I had become.”
We’re less inclined to love one another because we’re so full of anger and hatred.
I don’t know if there is a God out there, but I think that human beings can offer one another divine love even in light of all that we’ve done wrong. I want to keep that idea around forever.
enlightenment is born—it’s not about resolving or conquering paradox by choosing one side; rather, it’s in the tension of more than one truth being true that a new wisdom arises. I think it’s so important to allow more than one thing to be true, especially when we’re talking about the nature of good and evil and people who may have harmed us
on the day-to-day level, choosing love is about resisting the spirit of panic and fear
Choosing love is about choosing courage: the courage to take a relational risk that is meaningful.
One important lesson from Buddhist practice is that falling back in love doesn’t really work if we are trying to fall back in love with other people first. Generally, it’s more sustainable if we start with ourselves. If we just try to love the oppressor without loving ourselves first, then we run the risk of internalizing our own oppression or gaslighting ourselves. It must begin with self-love, falling back in love with ourselves, and then we can fall back in love with others. Of course, it’s not linear—it’s a cycle we go through over and over again.”
Check out the full interview and the book at the links offered above.
12/12/23 – Time to Leave the Airport
life is a series of flights
we think we choose when to leave, when to arrive and where to go
but the variables are innumerable
plans, if made at all, are often challenged
and sometimes thwarted
dearly departed, dearly encountered,
traveling companions have plans too
and preferences and dreams
god, a good night’s sleep would be so helpful, i think
get me to the airport on time
Today’s free verse soliloquy is the result of dreams, texts, and holiday travel challenges. May we all be safe, healthy, and patient during this holiday season.
Dec 6 – Trust & Forgiveness
trust and forgiveness
marriage is a tough, tough gig
life’s a stormy sea
Four quotes inform today’s senryu:
Kevin Costner once said, “I try to conduct my life with a certain amount of dignity and discretion — but marriage is a hard, hard gig,” Read More: https://www.thelist.com/1331805/signs-kevin-costner-christine-baumgartner-never-going-to-last/
“Marriage has become a lonely life raft in a storm-tossed sea.” Stephen Mintz, PhD. http://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-prime-life/201606/why-marriages-are-so-difficult-sustain
“Broken trust in marriage
If trust has been broken in a marriage, there can be severe consequences beyond the end of the marriage. But let’s back up and see if the situation can be helped or modified towards a different conclusion.
First, if something has happened and there is mistrust in a marriage, both partners have to want to mend what is broken. Frank conversations are needed to tackle a lack of trust in a relationship.
Both people must speak openly about what has happened to break the trust in the marriage. It simply does not work unless both are engaged in rectifying what has occurred.
It will take effort and some compromise from both people. Regardless of the cause, forgiveness must be part of the equation if the marriage continues.
If forgiveness cannot be achieved and the lack of trust in a relationship persists, it is better to seriously consider ending the relationship and moving on. …
There are several potential reasons for the lack of trust in your relationship. Mainly, these come from unresolved childhood pain, unmet needs, and unrealistic expectations. The key is to partner up with someone who has similar values so that you can create a unified future.
Resolving a lack of trust will take time, but it is possible if both are willing to change. Sometimes that means getting some external support and guidance through individual or couples’ therapy.
Clearly, at some point, you have to decide what’s right for you and whether the relationship is worth the fight. Either way, the decision is yours, so don’t let distrust ruin your life. Learn from it, make whatever changes you need, and keep looking forward.” Rachael Pace at http://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/lack-of-trust-in-a-relationship/
Dec 5 – Trust 102
My quest to better understand and practice trust continues with today’s senryu.
It’s true, I need help.
Being vulnerable
is so hard for me.
brenebrown.com/videos/anatomy-trust-video/
Brene’ Brown employs the BRAVING acronym to explain how she understands trust. The twenty-three-minute video (found at the URL shown above) is well worth the time. In short, the acronym stands for boundaries, reliability, accountability, vault, integrity, nonjudgment, and generosity. Have a pen and paper handy because you will want to take some notes. That said the two most important things for me were:
- Vault stands for holding confidences, keeping personal information safe and not gossiping.
- Don’t trust someone who doesn’t trust themself. Brene’ quotes Maya Angelou who said “I don’t trust people who don’t love themselves but say ‘I love you.'” Maya Angelou went on to share an African proverb: Be wary of a naked man offering you a shirt.
In other words, we have to trust ourselves first before we can trust others and be trustworthy to others. Self-love, self-love, self-respect are all critical components of building and maintaining trust.”
Three popular Brene’ Brown quotes:
“We need to trust to be vulnerable, and we need to be vulnerable in order to build trust.”
“Trust is earned in the smallest of moments. It is earned not through heroic deeds, or even highly visible actions, but through paying attention, listening, and gestures of genuine care and connection.”
“Vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it’s also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love.”
http://www.thedailyshifts.com/blog/25-popular-brene-brown-quotes-on-empathy-shame-and-trust
Dec 4 – Trust 101
I have been encouraged to study and practice the definitions of trust.
One definition is “Consistency over time is trust” credited to Microsoft CEO, Satya Nadella in his book, Hit Refresh: The Quest to Rediscover Microsoft’s Soul and Imagine a Better Future for Everyone. Clearly, doing the same thing over and over again will build a reputation of reliability. Repetitive behavior can be counted on to not surprise others; this definition of trust might be synonymized as being “solid and dependable.”
Another definition of trust offered in an internet search is perhaps a more metaphysical one. “We need people in our lives with whom we can be as open as possible. To have real conversations with people may seem like such a simple, obvious suggestion, but it involves courage and risk.” –Thomas Moore, Care of the Soul: A Guide for Cultivating Depth and Sacredness in Everyday Life
So, today’s senryu is:
to build trust, let’s be
open and reliable
no surprises, please
Dec 3 – A Companion Shortens a Road
Some things don’t make sense until they’re over. In the meantime, friends, human and more-than-human, make life tolerable.
Shiba – photo by author
what will be, will be
years have flown so why pretend
it doesn’t matter
Three muses informed today’s senryu.
“Does Pinocchio turn into a real boy?
In the last moments of the film, as the newfound family walks out together, Jiminy Cricket comes to the end of his narration. He says that many stories were told about Pinocchio, with some claiming he becomes a real flesh-and-bone boy. However, Jiminy doesn’t know if that ever happened. But he says it doesn’t matter. What matters is that Pinocchio was brave, truthful and unselfish and that made him as real a boy as any!“ http://www.thereviewgeek.com/pinocchio2022-endingexplained/
It’s a Long Road to Freedom by Miriam Therese Winter
It’s a long road to freedom, a winding steep and high
But when you walk in love with the wind on your wing
And cover the earth with the songs you sing
The miles fly by
I walked one morning by the sea
And all the waves reached out to me
I took their tears, then let them be
I walked one morning at the dawn
When bits of night still lingered on
I sought my star, but it was gone
I walked one morning with a friend
And prayed the day would never end
The years have flown so why pretend
genius.com/Medical-mission-sisters-its-a-long-road-to-freedom-lyrics
irisharoundtheworld.com/irish-proverbs/
Giorraíonn beirt bother. A companion shortens a road.
When a friend helps time pass on a journey.
Life Matters 