Category Archives: psychology

Concentration, Discipline & Freedom

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Two sources connecting to one another. See Lynn J Kelly‘s and Jocko Willink‘s quotes and references for more information below.


The Buddha’s Advice to Laypeople
Steadying the mind by Lynn J Kelly

The perfection or pāramī of concentration is also one of the factors of the Buddha’s 8-fold path. It’s an element of practice that many find challenging or frustrating, but it is essential to making solid progress towards liberation.

Of course, we can concentrate when we’re focused on something we care about, whether it’s making a meal, or a playing a card game, or completing a project. Can we care about refining our minds as much as we care about anything else? Thanissaro Bhikkhu argues that in order to develop a solid mental base through concentration, we have to first commit to the Buddha’s path.

Read the full transcript of the talk this excerpt is taken from here: https://www.dhammatalks.org/books/Meditations9/Section0032.html

All too often it happens that when you sit down to concentrate on the breath, you stay with the breath for a little bit and then you’re off someplace else. You come back, you stay with it a little bit longer, but then you’re off again. This happens so many times that you begin to get discouraged. You think, “Maybe this concentration is no good,” so you throw it away. Instead, you should think that it’s like having a baby. You feed it. But then it cries. Then you have to change and wash the diapers. Then you have to feed it again. And it cries. But you don’t throw the baby away. You just realize that it needs extra work, continuous work. It’s the same with your concentration. …

Again, it’s like raising a child. In the beginning, you have to do everything for it: feed it, clothe it, clean it, comfort it. But after a while, the child begins to feed itself, clean itself, look after itself. You still have to watch over it. After all, it is your child and it’s still not an adult. But it’s not as difficult as in the first stage when it was a baby. So even though concentration may be difficult in the beginning, don’t think it’s going to always be that way. It’ll mature. But for it to mature, you have to give it what it needs. Give it your full attention. Be alert. Be mindful. Stick with it. Keep coming back, coming back. Keep encouraging yourself. And that’s how your feeble concentration becomes strong.

By training the mind to collect itself regularly, a number of benefits can accrue. First, experiencing a calm(er) mind is pleasant in itself. Every degree of tranquility that we access represents a commensurate degree of relief from agitation; when anxiety is completely absent, what comes in its place is a form of bliss. The other important purpose of cultivating concentration is that it supports the development of mindfulness as nothing else can. With a good balance of mindfulness and concentration, the inevitable result is growing wisdom; a clarity that can make our whole lives more livable and fruitful.

Steadying the mind
https://buddhasadvice.wordpress.com/2024/03/31/steadying-the-mind/#like-19354

From Jocko Willink’s book DISCIPLINE EQUALS FREEDOM – Field Manual

“Where does discipline come from? This is a simple answer. Discipline comes from within. Discipline is an internal force.”

http://www.amazon.com/s?k=discipline+equals+freedom+field+manual

Dec 12 – Learning to Love the Monstrous in Ourselves

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tricycle.org/article/kai-cheng-thom-interview/

Tricycle magazine offers an insightful and provocative article on Kai Cheng Thom and her book Falling Back In Love With Being Human (c) 2023.

http://www.amazon.com/Falling-Back-Love-Being-Human

Highlights from the article/interview by Sarah Fleming include:

“I needed to know that I could love them,” she writes, “because that meant I could still love myself—as hopeless and lost as I had become.”

We’re less inclined to love one another because we’re so full of anger and hatred.

I don’t know if there is a God out there, but I think that human beings can offer one another divine love even in light of all that we’ve done wrong. I want to keep that idea around forever.

enlightenment is born—it’s not about resolving or conquering paradox by choosing one side; rather, it’s in the tension of more than one truth being true that a new wisdom arises. I think it’s so important to allow more than one thing to be true, especially when we’re talking about the nature of good and evil and people who may have harmed us

on the day-to-day level, choosing love is about resisting the spirit of panic and fear

Choosing love is about choosing courage: the courage to take a relational risk that is meaningful.

One important lesson from Buddhist practice is that falling back in love doesn’t really work if we are trying to fall back in love with other people first. Generally, it’s more sustainable if we start with ourselves. If we just try to love the oppressor without loving ourselves first, then we run the risk of internalizing our own oppression or gaslighting ourselves. It must begin with self-love, falling back in love with ourselves, and then we can fall back in love with others. Of course, it’s not linear—it’s a cycle we go through over and over again.”

Check out the full interview and the book at the links offered above.

Dec 6 – Trust & Forgiveness

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trust and forgiveness

marriage is a tough, tough gig

life’s a stormy sea

Four quotes inform today’s senryu:

Kevin Costner once said, “I try to conduct my life with a certain amount of dignity and discretion — but marriage is a hard, hard gig,” Read More: https://www.thelist.com/1331805/signs-kevin-costner-christine-baumgartner-never-going-to-last/

“Marriage has become a lonely life raft in a storm-tossed sea.” Stephen Mintz, PhD. http://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-prime-life/201606/why-marriages-are-so-difficult-sustain

“Broken trust in marriage

If trust has been broken in a marriage, there can be severe consequences beyond the end of the marriage. But let’s back up and see if the situation can be helped or modified towards a different conclusion.

First, if something has happened and there is mistrust in a marriage, both partners have to want to mend what is broken. Frank conversations are needed to tackle a lack of trust in a relationship.

Both people must speak openly about what has happened to break the trust in the marriage. It simply does not work unless both are engaged in rectifying what has occurred.

It will take effort and some compromise from both people. Regardless of the cause, forgiveness must be part of the equation if the marriage continues.

If forgiveness cannot be achieved and the lack of trust in a relationship persists, it is better to seriously consider ending the relationship and moving on. …

There are several potential reasons for the lack of trust in your relationship. Mainly, these come from unresolved childhood pain, unmet needs, and unrealistic expectations. The key is to partner up with someone who has similar values so that you can create a unified future. 

Resolving a lack of trust will take time, but it is possible if both are willing to change. Sometimes that means getting some external support and guidance through individual or couples’ therapy. 

Clearly, at some point, you have to decide what’s right for you and whether the relationship is worth the fight. Either way, the decision is yours, so don’t let distrust ruin your life. Learn from it, make whatever changes you need, and keep looking forward.” Rachael Pace at http://www.marriage.com/advice/relationship/lack-of-trust-in-a-relationship/

Dec 5 – Trust 102

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My quest to better understand and practice trust continues with today’s senryu.

It’s true, I need help.

Being vulnerable

is so hard for me.

brenebrown.com/videos/anatomy-trust-video/

Brene’ Brown employs the BRAVING acronym to explain how she understands trust. The twenty-three-minute video (found at the URL shown above) is well worth the time. In short, the acronym stands for boundaries, reliability, accountability, vault, integrity, nonjudgment, and generosity. Have a pen and paper handy because you will want to take some notes. That said the two most important things for me were:

  • Vault stands for holding confidences, keeping personal information safe and not gossiping.
  • Don’t trust someone who doesn’t trust themself. Brene’ quotes Maya Angelou who said “I don’t trust people who don’t love themselves but say ‘I love you.'” Maya Angelou went on to share an African proverb: Be wary of a naked man offering you a shirt.

In other words, we have to trust ourselves first before we can trust others and be trustworthy to others. Self-love, self-love, self-respect are all critical components of building and maintaining trust.”

Three popular Brene’ Brown quotes:

“We need to trust to be vulnerable, and we need to be vulnerable in order to build trust.”

“Trust is earned in the smallest of moments. It is earned not through heroic deeds, or even highly visible actions, but through paying attention, listening, and gestures of genuine care and connection.”

“Vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it’s also the birthplace of joy, of creativity, of belonging, of love.”

http://www.thedailyshifts.com/blog/25-popular-brene-brown-quotes-on-empathy-shame-and-trust

Dec 4 – Trust 101

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I have been encouraged to study and practice the definitions of trust.

One definition is “Consistency over time is trust” credited to Microsoft CEO, Satya Nadella in his book, Hit Refresh: The Quest to Rediscover Microsoft’s Soul and Imagine a Better Future for Everyone. Clearly, doing the same thing over and over again will build a reputation of reliability. Repetitive behavior can be counted on to not surprise others; this definition of trust might be synonymized as being “solid and dependable.”

Another definition of trust offered in an internet search is perhaps a more metaphysical one. “We need people in our lives with whom we can be as open as possible. To have real conversations with people may seem like such a simple, obvious suggestion, but it involves courage and risk.” –Thomas Moore, Care of the Soul: A Guide for Cultivating Depth and Sacredness in Everyday Life

So, today’s senryu is:

to build trust, let’s be

open and reliable

no surprises, please

Oct 28 – Fighting Societal Affective Disorder

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are you feeling SAD?

something might be wrong for you

check out your beliefs

I’m a huge fan of Rabbi Rami Shapiro and have a number of his books on addiction, religion, and social issues. Rabbi Rami also has a regular column in the Spirituality & Health ezine. See this site for his latest column: http://www.spiritualityhealth.com/fighting-societal-affective-disorder

Below are highlights from the article that most spoke to me. I highly encourage you, dear reader, to check out the full article.

Fighting Societal Affective Disorder

by  Rabbi Rami Shapiro

After a conversation with a seasonal affective disorder expert, Rabbi Rami ponders the affliction of societal affective disorder.

Reading Defeating SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder): A Guide to Health and Happiness through All Seasons (by) author Dr. Norman E. Rosenthal, I was struck with the notion that Western civilization may be going through its own version of SAD: not seasonal affective disorder, but societal affective disorder.

SAD is a “condition of regular depressions that occur in the fall and winter and typically remit in the spring and summer.” Among the common symptoms of seasonal affective disorder are a slowing down of thinking and action, sadness, increased anxiety, increased appetite, cravings for sweets and starches, greater need for sleep, and less interest in sex.

As I look at societal affective disorder, the symptoms are similar: lack of mental clarity and increase in irrationality; increase in fear, anger, hatred, and violence; increased appetite for conspiracy theories; scapegoating and othering of marginalized communities; cravings for empty rhetoric, spectacle, and bread and circuses; greater need for mind-numbing info-tainment; and less interest in sex accompanied by a rising obsession with homophobia, toxic masculinity, and misogyny….

(W)hy are so many people afraid of and violent toward the LGBTQ+ community? Because they believe the very existence of such people violates the will of God or laws of Nature.

Why do so many people hate Jews? Because they believe Jews are part of a millennia-old cabal that secretly runs the world to the detriment of [fill in your favorite racial, ethnic, or religious group].

Why do so many white people want to erase African-American history? Because they believe that the truth might lead to justice for Black people at the expense of white people.

If I’m right about this, one way to cure America of societal affective disorder is to examine the health of our beliefs. But be careful: Don’t assume that liberals’ beliefs are healthy, and conservatives’ beliefs are unhealthy. … We need another set of criteria when judging our beliefs. Let me suggest this preliminary list:

If your beliefs promote the thriving of all people regardless of race, sex, gender, ethnicity, religion, etc., they are probably healthy. If they don’t, they are probably unhealthy.

If your beliefs call you to acts of justice and compassion to serve the wellbeing of person and planet, they are probably healthy. If your beliefs make you anxious, angry, fearful, violent, and boorish, they are probably unhealthy.

If your beliefs are healthy, share them. If your beliefs are unhealthy, change them. In this way, we might do something to defeat the societal affective disorder that is threatening our democracy.

Rabbi Rami Shapiro is an award-winning author, essayist, poet, and teacher. 

Oct 22 – Dr. Ilia Delio, OSF

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an author to read

a voice of reason and love

Sister Delio

Today is a good day to learn more about Ilia Delio. Check out the references below.

“God Is the Source of Our Life

When we search long and hard enough to know the source of our own lives and the source of life at the heart of creation, we discover that the whole creation is pregnant with God. To see, to contemplate and to be transformed so as to become what we love marks the path of Franciscan prayer. The problem today is that we love many things—our freedom, independence, financial wealth, status, power and whatever else our culture tells us will make us happy; thus, there is little room within us to fully embrace God. God, in a sense, has to push through all the things that clutter our lives in order to dwell within us. Franciscan prayer calls us back to poverty, penance, conversion and a heart full of mercy, values and attitudes that are counter-cultural but life-giving. Only when we acknowledge our need for God can we begin to find God. Prayer begins in the poverty of the desert and is the cry of the poor person who is far from home and seeks the way to the source of life.

—from the book Franciscan Prayer by Ilia Delio, OSF” @ http://www.franciscanmedia.org/minute-meditations/god-is-the-source-of-our-life

shop.franciscanmedia.org/products/franciscan-prayer

“Masterfully written and intensely enlightening, Franciscan Prayer could very well be considered the essential handbook for all those seeking to pray and live the Franciscan way. With exquisite execution, Franciscan theologian Ilia Delio clearly outlines what it means to pray as a Franciscan. Through her experience as a discalced Carmelite nun and then her transformation into Franciscan scholar, Sister Delio brings to light the “contemplative,” “cosmic” and “evangelizing” aspects of Franciscan prayer.”

Bio

“Ilia Delio is a Franciscan Sister of Washington, D.C. and holds the Josephine C. Connelly Endowed Chair in Theology at Villanova University.  A native of Newark, N.J., she earned doctorates in pharmacology from Rutgers University-School of Healthcare and Biomedical Sciences and in Historical theology from Fordham University, N.Y.  She is the recipient of a Templeton Course in Science and Religion award and the author of twenty-two books, including The Unbearable Wholeness of Being, which won the 2014 Silver Nautilus Award and a Catholic Press Association Book Award.  Other books include Care for Creation (Catholic Press Book Award 2010), The Emergent Christ (Catholic Press Book Award 2013) and Making All Things New : Catholicity, Cosmology and Consciousness nominated for the 2018 Grawemeyer award.  Her books have been translated into Italian, Spanish, Portugeuse, Polish and German.  In 2015, she became general editor of a new book series by Orbis Books called “Catholicity in an Evolving Universe” of which there are currently ten books scheduled for publication.  She lectures nationally and internationally on topics including evolution, artificial intelligence, consciousness, culture and religion.

Dr. Delio’s work in Science and Religion is influenced by the Jesuit scientist, Pierre Teilhard de Chardin (1881-1955) who devoted his spiritual writing to bridging Christianity and evolution.   Like Teilhard, she sees the essential need to integrate Science and Religion toward a new way of thinking, consonant with evolution.  Her research interests focus on exploring divine action in a world of evolution, complexity, emergence, quantum reality and artificial intelligence.   She continues to lecture and write on religion and evolution, catholicity, cosmology and culture, artificial intelligence and human becoming.  Her work has a wide public audience and can be found on the website:  www.christogenesis.org.”

http://idelio.clasit.org/