Sometimes romantic love hurts so bad we may start to feel that it is beyond our ability. But maybe, we’re trying too hard.
Below are highlights from a provocative Lion’s Roar article. For the full article, see this link: https://www.lionsroar.com/authentic-love/
Authentic Love
Sumi Loundon Kim, a Yale University chaplain, weighs in on seeing and communicating clearly in love and marriage.
Just as with the spiritual path, when we let go of control, we learn to love the person for who he or she is, flaws and all. That’s the beginning of true love.
We imagine a kind of perfection
But after a few years or a few decades or maybe a few lifetimes of dedicated striving, we start to get the sense that our progress is terribly slow, given all the effort we’ve made. There are even times when we completely lose it, when anger or fear overtakes us even after all that practice. It’s disappointing.
When we let go of needing that person to be a certain way, when we let go of control, we find that as we do so we learn to love the person for who he or she is, flaws and all. That’s the beginning of true love, authentic love with another.
the key is in accepting ourselves and our partners for who we are.
as we learn to ease up on our demands and needs from others, we learn that love is not about fulfilling a need—a need to change what we don’t like about ourselves, for example—but about letting go of needs altogether.“
Sumi Loundon Kim is the Buddhist chaplain at Yale University and founder of the Mindful Families of Durham. She is editor of the anthologies Blue Jean Buddha and The Buddha’s Apprentices, from Wisdom Publications, and the author of Sitting Together: A Family-Centered Curriculum on Mindfulness, Meditation, and Buddhist Teachings.
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