Author Archives: Patrick Cole

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About Patrick Cole

Husband, parent and writer. Sharing stories with a little humor and wisdom along the way.

Your Life Is a Mirror

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What if every word you said, every gesture you made, revealed your true intentions? The Tricycle article reposted below says the answer to that question is an important step in our own personal development.

This somewhat lengthy article is well worth your time if you’re one of those people prone to self-deception. I know that’s something I need to work on. How about you?

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Your Life Is a Mirror

Venerated lama and spiritual teacher Khangser Rinpoche expounds on how to break free of the mind’s habitual tendency towards self-deception.

By Khangser Rinpoche  JUN 21, 2024

Your life is a mirror reflecting the state of your inner world.

To see clearly you must first polish your mirror to clear it of what distorts the truth: your obscuring self-deception.

no longer looking at the reflection in the bathroom mirror, he was looking at himself in a different way: inner reflection.

Self-improvement starts with breaking self-deception and learning to face the truth. You must honestly witness, then evaluate, how your mental, emotional, and behavioral actions obscure the truth.

It’s much easier for you to point out areas where other people can improve rather than seeing your own flaws. This is how it usually is. You have difficulty looking at your imperfections, so you tell yourself lies,

Start by Being Honest

When you encounter a situation where there is no way for you to tell the truth, it is better to just stay silent.

Even if you can’t eliminate lies completely, at least try to reduce their frequency.

Break Subconscious Habits

Your past shapes your perception of the present.

You are not who you think you are—you’ve formed a lot of subconscious habits over the years that are probably unknown to you. That’s why you need the input of those you trust, and you need to pay close attention to your thoughts, feelings, and behavior. If you can’t see your flaws, there is no self-improvement. 

Keep an Open Mind

Your ego has a way of obscuring areas you struggle with, so you must make certain to consider other people’s feedback about you. It’s not easy to see your own issues, you need a good, honest person to tell you about them.

You are not who you think you are

When you receive unpleasant feedback, try to resist the impulse to defend yourself with lies or get angry. Don’t dirty up your mirror with denial. Self-improvement is one of the most important aspects of your life, but to do it properly you need a clear mirror—you need honest feedback. 

Study Cause and Effect

We drum up supernatural ways of eliminating our issues instead of taking personal accountability for them.

Blame sullies your mirror of self-reflection. Instead, focus on accepting the reality of the problem and do what you can realistically do now.

Every kind of suffering can be remedied. To do that you must first clearly understand that there is no such thing as causeless suffering. When you know that wholesome activities have beneficial effects and unwholesome actions have unbeneficial results, you can then choose the best course of action for yourself. This means you have a measure of control over your destiny. 

Examine Your Motives

getting to the truth is tricky

Honesty is a matter of motive

Which is more honest: truth in words or truth in motive? When you want to give up self-deception in favor of self-knowledge, consider the reason why you’re doing what you’re doing.

Remember that life is like a mirror: everything you perceive reflects your inner world. Cleaning your dirty mirror of distorting smudges means clearing self-deception and coming closer to the truth.

This article was excerpted and adapted from A Monk’s Guide to Finding Joy: How to Train Your Mind and Transform Your Life by Khangser Rinpoche, © Wisdom Publications July 2, 2024. Reprinted in arrangement with Wisdom Publications.

The Healing of Tears

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Washing out the toxins. Shedding the pains of our life and our world.

I’m not a crier by nature (or is it nurture?) so tears are not something I enjoy or receive comfort from. Yet, tears can be healing.

Below are excerpts from today’s meditation from the Center for Action and Contemplation. Perhaps it will bring a welcome tear to your eyes. cac.org/daily-meditations/the-healing-of-tears/

The Healing of Tears 

Friday, June 28, 2024

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. —Matthew 5:4 

There’s a therapeutic, healing meaning to tears.

those who can grieve, those who can cry, are those who will understand.  

Weeping over our sin and the sin of the world is an entirely different mode than self-hatred or hatred of others.

recognize the sad reality

That might seem ridiculous, and it is especially a stumbling block for many men in our culture. Young men have often been told not to cry because it will make us look vulnerable. So, we men—and many women too—stuff our tears.

He was falling apart, becoming his most radiant, his most needful. And little did I know, he was showing me how to do the same. [2]  

References: 
[1] Adapted from Richard Rohr, Jesus’ Alternative Plan: The Sermon on the Mount (Cincinnati, OH: Franciscan Media, 1996, 2022), 139–140.  

[2] Ross Gay, Inciting Joy: Essays (Chapel Hill, NC: Algonquin Books, 2022), 228–229. 

An Angry Person with a Zen Practice

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The brief Lions Roar article below is much more than an American jazz singer, Bobby McFerrin lyric: Don’t Worry, Be Happy.

I highly recommend this piece written by Karen Maezen Miller. See excerpts below:

An Angry Person with a Zen Practice

by Karen Maezen Miller

I wasn’t an angry person until I became a Zen Buddhist. Sure, I yelled. I slammed things. I broke things. But I wouldn’t have called myself angry. It was always another person making me angry. How was that my fault?

But there was hope because I was an angry person with a Zen practice.

No one makes us feel, think, or do anything except as we allow.

Anger comes from our attachments.

We don’t get our way all the time, and besides, even when we do, it doesn’t last.

The wisdom of impermanence shows us the way to work with anger, that is, to not work with it at all.

Without my ruminations and reactions, anger does what all sensations do. It goes away by itself, providing I don’t chase after it.

One more thing has changed my relationship with anger: admitting it. When I feel myself getting angry around others, I try my best to say, “I’m angry right now.” Spoken, the words by themselves are safe. Unspoken, they smolder into fire and brimstone.

These days, though I still get angry, I’m no longer afraid of my anger. I don’t try to hide or avoid it. I remind myself not to rationalize it, justify it, or react in anger. I let it be, and then I let it be gone.

http://www.lionsroar.com/how-3-buddhist-teachers-work-with-difficult-emotions/

The Golden Rule?

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Supposedly, the Golden Rule is something most faith traditions agree on. Supposedly, people without a faith tradition can agree on it as well. Does “the Golden Rule make a good one-sentence summary of what morality is about” for you?

“The golden rule captures the spirit behind morality. It helps us to see the point behind moral rules. It engages our reasoning, instead of imposing an answer. It counteracts self-centeredness. And it concretely applies ideas like fairness and concern. So, the Golden Rule makes a good one-sentence summary of what morality is about.” Harry Gensler, philosopher. philosophynow.org/issues/125/The_Not_So_Golden_Rule

http://www.scarboromissions.ca/golden-rule

Job’s Emotional Courage

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To truly know anything, we must first feel everything. It takes courage to feel.

I’ve tried my damnedest not to feel yet those feelings won’t pass until I let them.

Why should we acknowledge our feelings?

Because “emotions ought to be allowed to run their course. They are not right or wrong; they are merely indicators of what is happening.” 

Today’s excerpts come from Richard Rohr and the Center for Action and Contemplation.

Job’s Emotional Courage 

Monday, June 24, 2024

Richard Rohr notes the lessons on grief and lament we can learn from Job: 

why should I be happy about being born?”  

“May that day be darkness. May God on high have no thought for it, may no light shine on it. May murk and deep shadow claim it for their own” (Job 3:4–5). It’s beautiful, poetic imagery. He’s saying: “Uncreate that day. Make it not a day of light, but darkness. Let clouds hang over it, eclipse swoop down on it.” Where God in Genesis speaks “Let there be light,” Job insists “Let there be darkness.”

if we’re willing to feel and participate in the pain of the world, part of us will suffer that kind of despair.

Many people learn that the hard way—through depression, addictions, irritability, and misdirected anger—because they refuse to let their emotions run their course or to find some appropriate place to share them. Job is unafraid to feel his feelings. He acts and speaks them out. Emotions ought to be allowed to run their course. They are not right or wrong; they are merely indicators of what is happening. 

I am convinced that people who do not feel deeply finally do not know deeply either.

Reference:  
Adapted from Richard Rohr, Job and the Mystery of Suffering: Spiritual Reflections (New York: Crossroad Publishing, 1996), 53, 54–55.  

cac.org/daily-meditations/jobs-emotional-courage/

Ox-herding 3

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I haven’t met Lynn J Kelly (yet) but do consider her a spiritual friend and teacher. I haven’t met Martine Batchelor (yet) but consider her, and her husband Stephen, spiritual mentors and teachers.

And so, I can highly recommend the blogpost below. May you be edified and encouraged by it as I have.

Ox-herding 3

We Would Change

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Oh, to spoon in June and point to the moon and read our future in a newly discovered rune. You know that tune, right?

Below is beautifully written reminder from Joan Chittister that everything changes in June.

We would change

Clearly, June is the time for being in the world in new ways, for throwing off the cold and dark spots of life.

flowers confront us with our responsibility for beauty.
 
June is the month that calls us out of our houses, out of ourselves,

Be a tribute to creation. Be a part of the chorus of life.
 
“I wish you happiness now and whatever will bring happiness to you in the future.”

Beauty and human warmth would take root in us like a clear, hot June day. We would change.

                   —selections from A Monastery Almanac by Joan Chittister

For more great writing check out this website: joanchittister.org/