Category Archives: psychology

Mass Hysteria and The Way of Tears

Yesterday, thousands of people, including my granddaughter, daughter, son-in-law and me, were part of an emotional stampede exiting a Dallas Convention Center thought to be attacked by a mass shooter. It turned out to be something far less threatening, yet there were many injuries and even more tears as parents tried to find their children during a contagious outbreak of mass hysteria. For more information see this news article: https://www.wfaa.com/article/news/local/dallas-county/downtown-dallas-texas-nca-cheerleader-competition-incident/287-5e8610ef-5b74-425e-b02f-da3d0f8f165a

I’m not a person that cries or screams but I still feel deep emotions, especially when many around me are overwhelmed with an existential fear for their children and themselves. During such crises, I get very focused on how to stay calm, how to collect loved ones and a safe place. Or, in other words, how to stay in the present moment and “make the main thing the main thing.” Fortunately, no one in our family was physically hurt and there were only a few cuts and scratches to my granddaughter’s team members incurred during their rush to safety. We are grateful for all of this.

Shakespeare wrote, “all’s well that ends well.” Julian of Norwich said, that ultimately, “all shall be well.” And of special comfort to me, Richard Rohr wrote the words shared below in his daily message: https://cac.org/daily-meditations/the-way-of-tears/

The Way of Tears Sunday, March 2, 2025

In his book The Tears of Things, Father Richard Rohr describes the path of tears as one that leads to sympathy with suffering and communion with reality.   

Are we the only animal that cries and sheds tears as an emotional response? It seems so, but what function do they serve for us? Jesus says we should be happy if we can weep (Luke 6:21), but why? Tears seem to appear in situations of sadness, happiness, awe, and fear—and usually come unbidden. What is their free message to us and to those who observe them? Has humanity gotten the message yet? Whatever it is, it’s surely a message too deep for words.  

In the first book of Virgil’s Aeneid (line 462), the hero Aeneas gazes at a mural depicting a battle of the Trojan War and the deaths of his friends and countrymen. He’s so moved with sorrow at the tragedy of it all that he speaks of “the tears of things” (lacrimae rerum). As Seamus Heaney translates it, “There are tears at the heart of things”—at the heart of our human experience. [1] Only tears can move both Aeneas and us beyond our deserved and paralyzing anger at evil, death, and injustice without losing the deep legitimacy of that anger.  

This phrase “the tears of things” has continued to be quoted and requoted in many contexts over centuries. We find it on war memorials, in poetry, in the music of Franz Liszt, and in Pope Francis’ recent encyclical letter Fratelli Tutti. (I myself remember it because of a haggard, bent-over Latin teacher who would often enter the classroom moaning “Lacrimae rerum” several times before he began quizzing us.) 

Because the phrase has no prepositions in Latin, it allows two meanings at the same time: Virgil seems to be saying that there are both “tears in things” and “tears for things.” And each of these tears leads to the other. Though translators often feel compelled to choose one or the other meaning, I believe the poet implies it is both.  

There’s an inherent sadness and tragedy in almost all situations: in our relationships, our mistakes, our failures large and small, and even our victories. We must develop a very real empathy for this reality, knowing that we cannot fully fix things, entirely change them, or make them to our liking. This “way of tears,” and the deep vulnerability that it expresses, is opposed to our normal ways of seeking control through willpower, commandment, force, retribution, and violence. Instead, we begin in a state of empathy with and for things and people and events, which just might be the opposite of judgmentalism. It’s hard to be on the attack when you are weeping.  

Prophets and mystics recognize what most of us do not—that all things have tears and all things deserve tears. The sympathy that wells up when we weep can be life changing, too, drawing us out of ourselves and into communion with those around us.  

References:  
[1] Seamus Heaney, shared in a 2008 essay broadcast on BBC Radio 3 as part of the Greek and Latin Voices series.  

Adapted from Richard Rohr, The Tears of Things: Prophetic Wisdom for an Age of Outrage (Convergent, 2025), 96, 3–4. 


Postscript: I wish you and yours a calm, safe and loving day today and in the days to come.

Small Steps Make a Huge Difference

“Every action we take with words or body has a component of intention. The smallest ethical action has the power to set us on the path to awakening. Inversely, when we behave in a harmful way, towards ourselves or others, it sets a trajectory in a direction it would be better not to go.”

I’ve seen the truth of the above statement in both directions.

For the full blog written by Lynn J Kelly, see the link below.

Memoir Analysis #5: Harrison Scott Key

http://www.amazon.com/How-Stay-Married-Insane-Story/

Harrison Scott Key, winner of the Thurber Prize for American Humor, tells the shocking, “shot through with sharp humor” (The Washington Post), spiritually profound story of his journey through hell and back when infidelity threatens his marriage.Amazon.com summary.

Harrison Scott Key delivers another comic-tragedy and this is the most revealing of all. Another heart-wrenching memoir that addresses all the pain of betrayal and the struggle to survive.

Here are a few quick observations:

  • “Do I really care about three hundred pages on some stranger’s marriage? It turns out I did … There is an energy to HOW TO STAY MARRIED that I haven’t previously experienced in a memoir … Shot through with sharp humor” Jane Smiley, The Washington Post
  • Approximately 90k words spread over 38 chapters … just when you think it’s over, the pain and love and pain and forgiveness start all over again
  • “I read Harrison Scott Key’s hilarious, raw, bracing, profound memoir and have been recommending it to everyone I know. Read it! I’ve never read anything else quite like it.” Eleanor Barkhorn, The Atlantic

Key’s memoir of infidelity and forgiveness are presented in a realistic, painful yet hopeful way … and I speak with some experience on this topic. Yes, there’s some “god talk” included but not as much as you might think. Or, in other words, you’re likely to enjoy this book regardless of your faith or no faith perspective.

This book is definitely worth reading at least once. I’ve read it three times so far and find more humor and wisdom with each read.

One more memoir analysis to come within the next week. Please let me know if you have any questions on this or previous analyses offered.

To healing,

Patrick Cole

Our Thoughts Don’t Make It True

Am I separate from the gloating MAGA hat wearer?

Check out today’s post from the Center for Action and Contemplation: The Pain of Separateness (cac.org/daily-meditations/the-pain-of-separateness/)

Highlights include:

  1. “When we’re separate, everything becomes about protecting and defending ourselves. It can consume our lives.” 
  2. “Whenever we do anything unloving, at that moment, we’re out of union.”
  3. “Whatever separates us from one another—nationality, religion, ethnicity, economics, language—are all just accidentals that will all pass away.”
  4. “Every time we do something with respect, with love, with sympathy, with compassion, with caring, with service, we are operating in union.” 

Some Things Are Deeply Felt … Like Election Results

Wearing my heart on my sleeve, I’ve become a human porcupine, the pain too intense to hide ….

Tibetan-American poet and writer, Lekey Leidecker, helps us recognize the anxiety we now experience. Provocative phrases such as those below are from her recent Tricycle article, Some Things Are Felt Through the Body:

  • “This rage never really left. For far too long, the story has been the same.”
  • “Seized by mounting anxiety, rising dread, rushed to distraction, and the cycle repeated itself”
  • “Bad feelings were not internal failures, they were indicators. I cannot cut the threat down any further. I confront it at its true size.”

Check out this heartfelt article at tricycle.org/article/lekey-leidecker-body/

How to Find Inner Peace – the Buddhist Way Excerpts

Statue of Buddha at Magnolia Grove Monastery – picture taken by Patrick Cole

Spirituality + Health online magazine has shared another helpful article written by Victor M. Parachin. Highlights can be found below. For the full article see: https://www.spiritualityhealth.com/authors/victor-m-parachin-m-div-c-y-t

How to Find Inner Peace—the Buddhist Way

Buddhism identifies inner peace as a sense of emotional, mental, and spiritual harmony, even as life’s challenges arise. When inner peace is present, there are strong feelings of serenity, balance, tranquility, and calmness. Here are some Buddhist methods of attaining inner peace:

  • Limit Desires
  • Practice CPR Meditation – calm, peaceful and relaxed
  • Don’t Gossip
  • Accept Help
  • Lighten Your Life, and
  • Cultivate Countermeasures

The Dalai Lama notes that whenever negative emotions such as anxiety, anger, worry, or fear emerge, “We need some countermeasures to oppose them. For example, if we are too hot, we reduce the temperature, or if we want to remove darkness, there’s no other way than bringing light.”

When you’re feeling impoverished, practice gratitude; when you’re feeling sad, smile at every person you encounter; when you’re experiencing guilt, be extra kind to others; when you’re feeling discouraged, recall and savor what is good and right in your life.”

Forgiveness and Mercy Recap

The Gottman Method speaks to looking at criticism as requests. One of their Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, their method helps couples recover from relationship challenges. See this link for more information: https://www.regain.us/advice/general/what-are-the-four-horsemen-of-the-apocalypse-gottman-and-the-signs-of-relationship-strain/

For another variation on the theme for improving relationships, the Center for Action and Contemplation offers a series of meditations on Forgiveness and Mercy. Below is an excerpt from this week’s summary. For the full recap see: cac.org/daily-meditations/forgiveness-and-mercy-weekly-summary/

Praying to Forgive 

Brian McLaren identifies how prayers of petition help us to experience forgiveness:   

Since being wounded or sinned against is a terribly common experience, I suspect we need to pay more attention to it. In fact, being wronged is directly linked in the Lord’s Prayer to the reality of doing wrong; we pray, “forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.”  

Father Richard Rohr says it well: Pain that isn’t processed is passed on. Pain that isn’t transformed is transmitted. So we need to process our woundedness with God, and that processing begins by naming the pain and holding it … in God’s presence: 

Betrayed. Insulted. Taken advantage of. Lied to. Forgotten. Used. Abused. Belittled. Passed over. Cheated. Mocked. Snubbed. Robbed. Vandalized. Misunderstood. Misinterpreted. Excluded. Disrespected. Ripped off. Confused. Misled.  

It’s important not to rush this process. We need to feel our feelings, to let the pain actually catch up with us…. I’ve found that it takes less energy to feel and process my pain than it does to suppress it or run away from it. So, just as through confession we name our own wrongs and feel regret, through petition we name and feel the pain that results from the wrongs of others…. We translate our pain into requests:  

Comfort. Encouragement. Reassurance. Companionship. Vindication. Appreciation. Boundaries. Acknowledgement.  

It’s important to note that we are not naming what we need the person who wronged us to do for us. If we focus on what we wish the antagonist would do to make us feel better, we unintentionally arm the antagonist with still more power to hurt us. Instead, in this naming, we are turning from the antagonist to God, focusing on what we need God to do for us. We’re opening our soul to receive healing from God’s ever present, ever generous Spirit. 

Reference: 
Brian D. McLaren, Naked Spirituality: A Life with God in 12 Simple Words (San Francisco, CA: HarperOne, 2011), 118–119. 

Prodigal Son – A Henri Nouwen Meditation

Thich Nhat Hanh, the Vietnamese Zen Master, would introduce his meditations with simple phrases or Gathas to set the tone for what could follow. One such gatha goes like this:

“I have arrived, I am home in the here, in the now. I am solid. I am free. In the ultimate, I dwell.”

Below is a meditation verse from Henri Nouwen, a Dutch-born Catholic priest and American psychology professor. He uses the returning home reference from The Prodigal Son parable.

May we “return home” many times each day.

You Are Home

September 14, 2024

I have been meditating on the story of the prodigal son. It is a story about returning. I realize the importance of returning over and over again. My life drifts away from God. I have to return. My heart moves away from my first love. I have to return. My mind wanders to strange images. I have to return.

Returning is a lifelong struggle. . . . I am moved by the fact that the father didn’t require any higher motivation. His love was so total and unconditional that he simply welcomed his son home.


For more information about Henri Nouwen see:

henrinouwen.org/about

Excerpts from How to Break the Chains of Thought

Like dominoes falling, it’s interesting to see how one thought leads to another … or not.

Lion’s Roar online magazine shares a full article on How to Break the Chains of Thought. Below are a few excerpts for your consideration. For the full article, go to http://www.lionsroar.com/break-the-chains-of-thought

How to Break the Chains of Thought

When you study your thought process, … you see how it rules your life. In the breaks and gaps between thoughts, you can experience awakened mind on the spot.

Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche 8 September 2024

We are all citizens of the Information Age, when attention-consuming data is abundant and human attention itself is regarded as a scarce commodity. In the noise and chaos of this flood of information, how often do you notice where your mind is and what it’s doing? …

The starting point for discovering the true nature or reality of your mind is just this awareness of thoughts. When you can see these patterns clearly, that’s the beginning of discovering the sanity and wakefulness within your own mind. …

Chaos and sanity coexist—they depend on each other. Without insanity, there is no sanity. So please don’t worry about your thoughts and the chaos of your mind. They can serve as the basis of your transformation.

When you look at your thoughts and emotions, the starting point is very important. It’s like chaos theory, which looks at the dynamics of highly sensitive systems. A very small change at the outset or starting point of a motion makes the system behave completely differently, and that very small change can make a big difference after a while. An often quoted example in popular culture is the “butterfly effect,” in which a butterfly flapping its wings in the forests of Brazil could cause a hurricane in the East China Sea.

It’s the same with thoughts. You may have just a glimmer of a judgmental thought about someone. It seems so small and harmless. But that tiny thought has the potential to intensify and color your next thought, and the next, in the end triggering deep-rooted habitual patterns that have a big effect. …

The interesting thing here is that within the seeming chaos or randomness of our thoughts, there are patterns, including how our thoughts and emotions interact. … thoughts are viewed as always at play with our emotional energies, driving them one way or the other.

We have so many thoughts—positive thoughts, negative thoughts, coarse thoughts, subtle thoughts—but when you look directly and closely at any thought, or any emotion, perception, or appearance of mind at all, what do you see?

The first thing you see is that the thought you’re looking at disappears. As soon as you think, “Oh, there is a thought, I am going to look at it,” it is gone. And after the thought is gone, then what do you see?

Between the dissolving of one thought and the arising of the next, there is a gap, an open space. When a thought arises, it’s there for just a moment, then starts to dissolve. When it dissolves, there is a clear, open space where there’s nothing happening until the next thought. If we can totally let go, rest, and relax, then that point where thoughts vanish is where we will find our natural liberation, our genuinely awakened heart.

With these momentary gaps, our chaotic thoughts are being quite kind, offering to give us a break and a chance for awakening. But usually we don’t take that opportunity. We run right over it. We are attached to our busy, workaholic pattern that keeps us moving on to the next thought, the next moment, the next experience. That’s one of the main patterns of our mind—to always be moving, instead of pausing and resting where we are, even for a moment.

Although thoughts are momentary, it feels like our mind is always thinking. That’s because we don’t notice the gaps. We create the illusion of continuity by linking thoughts together seamlessly, so they have a feeling of permanence and oneness.

... each momentary thought is like a link in a chain that connects to another link in the chain, and so on. Who knows where the chain began or where it will end? At some point, without even knowing it, we’ve created a chain that effectively binds us. We are a captive of our own thoughts. Positive thoughts we attach to may create a pretty golden chain, but we are still bound.

To accomplish our aims, it’s important for us to have a good understanding of our thoughts and how the patterns they form blind and control us. …

When you can see the full display and just let it go, there is liberation right there. Not liberation in a religious sense, but simple freedom from being controlled by your thoughts. You don’t have to take this on faith. You can discover it yourself. As you get closer to it, you can feel it, and then finally you can see it.

Most of all in this process, we need to have a genuine measure of compassion for ourselves and others. Even if it’s just a little, it can still have a profound and far-reaching effect, like the flapping of the wings of our butterfly. …

Seeing these patterns, we get to know our mind so that it works better for us and helps us to achieve our goals in this life. …

We see that thoughts are momentary, arising and then dissolving, and in the open space between them we can discover awakened mind on the spot.

Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche

Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche is the author of several books including, most recently, Emotional Rescue: How to Work with Your Emotions to Transform Hurt and Confusion into Energy That Empowers You.