Author Archives: Patrick Cole

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About Patrick Cole

Husband, parent and writer. Sharing stories with a little humor and wisdom along the way.

Mass Hysteria and The Way of Tears

Yesterday, thousands of people, including my granddaughter, daughter, son-in-law and me, were part of an emotional stampede exiting a Dallas Convention Center thought to be attacked by a mass shooter. It turned out to be something far less threatening, yet there were many injuries and even more tears as parents tried to find their children during a contagious outbreak of mass hysteria. For more information see this news article: https://www.wfaa.com/article/news/local/dallas-county/downtown-dallas-texas-nca-cheerleader-competition-incident/287-5e8610ef-5b74-425e-b02f-da3d0f8f165a

I’m not a person that cries or screams but I still feel deep emotions, especially when many around me are overwhelmed with an existential fear for their children and themselves. During such crises, I get very focused on how to stay calm, how to collect loved ones and a safe place. Or, in other words, how to stay in the present moment and “make the main thing the main thing.” Fortunately, no one in our family was physically hurt and there were only a few cuts and scratches to my granddaughter’s team members incurred during their rush to safety. We are grateful for all of this.

Shakespeare wrote, “all’s well that ends well.” Julian of Norwich said, that ultimately, “all shall be well.” And of special comfort to me, Richard Rohr wrote the words shared below in his daily message: https://cac.org/daily-meditations/the-way-of-tears/

The Way of Tears Sunday, March 2, 2025

In his book The Tears of Things, Father Richard Rohr describes the path of tears as one that leads to sympathy with suffering and communion with reality.   

Are we the only animal that cries and sheds tears as an emotional response? It seems so, but what function do they serve for us? Jesus says we should be happy if we can weep (Luke 6:21), but why? Tears seem to appear in situations of sadness, happiness, awe, and fear—and usually come unbidden. What is their free message to us and to those who observe them? Has humanity gotten the message yet? Whatever it is, it’s surely a message too deep for words.  

In the first book of Virgil’s Aeneid (line 462), the hero Aeneas gazes at a mural depicting a battle of the Trojan War and the deaths of his friends and countrymen. He’s so moved with sorrow at the tragedy of it all that he speaks of “the tears of things” (lacrimae rerum). As Seamus Heaney translates it, “There are tears at the heart of things”—at the heart of our human experience. [1] Only tears can move both Aeneas and us beyond our deserved and paralyzing anger at evil, death, and injustice without losing the deep legitimacy of that anger.  

This phrase “the tears of things” has continued to be quoted and requoted in many contexts over centuries. We find it on war memorials, in poetry, in the music of Franz Liszt, and in Pope Francis’ recent encyclical letter Fratelli Tutti. (I myself remember it because of a haggard, bent-over Latin teacher who would often enter the classroom moaning “Lacrimae rerum” several times before he began quizzing us.) 

Because the phrase has no prepositions in Latin, it allows two meanings at the same time: Virgil seems to be saying that there are both “tears in things” and “tears for things.” And each of these tears leads to the other. Though translators often feel compelled to choose one or the other meaning, I believe the poet implies it is both.  

There’s an inherent sadness and tragedy in almost all situations: in our relationships, our mistakes, our failures large and small, and even our victories. We must develop a very real empathy for this reality, knowing that we cannot fully fix things, entirely change them, or make them to our liking. This “way of tears,” and the deep vulnerability that it expresses, is opposed to our normal ways of seeking control through willpower, commandment, force, retribution, and violence. Instead, we begin in a state of empathy with and for things and people and events, which just might be the opposite of judgmentalism. It’s hard to be on the attack when you are weeping.  

Prophets and mystics recognize what most of us do not—that all things have tears and all things deserve tears. The sympathy that wells up when we weep can be life changing, too, drawing us out of ourselves and into communion with those around us.  

References:  
[1] Seamus Heaney, shared in a 2008 essay broadcast on BBC Radio 3 as part of the Greek and Latin Voices series.  

Adapted from Richard Rohr, The Tears of Things: Prophetic Wisdom for an Age of Outrage (Convergent, 2025), 96, 3–4. 


Postscript: I wish you and yours a calm, safe and loving day today and in the days to come.

Small Steps Make a Huge Difference

“Every action we take with words or body has a component of intention. The smallest ethical action has the power to set us on the path to awakening. Inversely, when we behave in a harmful way, towards ourselves or others, it sets a trajectory in a direction it would be better not to go.”

I’ve seen the truth of the above statement in both directions.

For the full blog written by Lynn J Kelly, see the link below.

World Repair – Lynn J. Kelly

I am amazed at how much pain is being inflicted by the new U.S. president and his administration team. I am astounded that so many Americans want this pain to occur. Fortunately, there are others who are looking for ways to counteract this pain and stop the cruelty we see.

Lynn J. Kelly, offers some gentle advice on how to we might respond to these trying times. Below is a quote, and a link, to her full message. I think you will find this very helpful today and, in the days, to come.

“Once we have accepted the overwhelming dukkha that is the news of our world, what can we do? We can acknowledge that we are close to powerless to alleviate all the suffering that we see around us. However, we can each find a way to dedicate some of our energy to a healing activity.

Whatever we care about most will use our energy to best effect. We don’t have to feel helpless if we understand what we are doing and why. It is important to support both our mindfulness (internal) and something outside of ourselves that we care about (external).”

Memoir Analysis #5: Harrison Scott Key

http://www.amazon.com/How-Stay-Married-Insane-Story/

Harrison Scott Key, winner of the Thurber Prize for American Humor, tells the shocking, “shot through with sharp humor” (The Washington Post), spiritually profound story of his journey through hell and back when infidelity threatens his marriage.Amazon.com summary.

Harrison Scott Key delivers another comic-tragedy and this is the most revealing of all. Another heart-wrenching memoir that addresses all the pain of betrayal and the struggle to survive.

Here are a few quick observations:

  • “Do I really care about three hundred pages on some stranger’s marriage? It turns out I did … There is an energy to HOW TO STAY MARRIED that I haven’t previously experienced in a memoir … Shot through with sharp humor” Jane Smiley, The Washington Post
  • Approximately 90k words spread over 38 chapters … just when you think it’s over, the pain and love and pain and forgiveness start all over again
  • “I read Harrison Scott Key’s hilarious, raw, bracing, profound memoir and have been recommending it to everyone I know. Read it! I’ve never read anything else quite like it.” Eleanor Barkhorn, The Atlantic

Key’s memoir of infidelity and forgiveness are presented in a realistic, painful yet hopeful way … and I speak with some experience on this topic. Yes, there’s some “god talk” included but not as much as you might think. Or, in other words, you’re likely to enjoy this book regardless of your faith or no faith perspective.

This book is definitely worth reading at least once. I’ve read it three times so far and find more humor and wisdom with each read.

One more memoir analysis to come within the next week. Please let me know if you have any questions on this or previous analyses offered.

To healing,

Patrick Cole

Memoir Analysis #4: Sloane Crosley

http://www.amazon.com/Grief-People-Sloane-Crosley

A best book of 2024 “, GRIEF IS FOR PEOPLE by Sloane Crosley is the fourth book and author selected for memoir analysis. It’s a heart-wrenching memoir that addresses the theft of family jewelry AND even more devastating, loss of a best friend to suicide.

Here are a few quick observations:

  • Is it wrong to say that a memoir about loss and grieving is fun to read? If so, I’m in trouble, because I enjoyed every word of this book. I also ached and suffered along with Sloane Crosley: Her portrait of mourning after the suicide of her best friend is gutting and deeply engaging.” Susan Orlean, author of The Orchard Thief,
  • It has approximately 57k words spread over 8 chapters.
  •  “Like Joan Didion’s The Year of Magical Thinking or Daniel Defoe’s A Journal of the Plague Year, Grief Is for People takes us through the ordinary, awful, and never-quite-ending experience of loss. It also made me laugh very hard, many times. I can’t stop thinking about it.” — John Mulaney

Unlike the three books previously reviewed, Crosley’s book offers a poignant, gallows humor, tale of two emotional losses in 2019 which were further exacerbated by the pandemic that hit the world and her NYC lifestyle.

While all our worlds were severely disrupted by Covid 19, Crosley’s, foggy upside-down, world began some six months earlier and still defines her life five years later. Perhaps time does heal but not nearly as fast as we would hope. This book is definitely worth reading now and in the future.

More successful memoirs will be reviewed in the weeks to come.

Memoir Analysis #3: An American Childhood by Annie Dillard

http://www.amazon.com/American-Childhood-Annie-Dillard

The third author and book selected for memoir analysis is the 1987 classic, An American Childhood by Annie Dillard. A literary gem, her memoir is very different from the first two I presented earlier this month. Here are a few quick observations:

  • A book that instantly captured the hearts of readers across the country, An American Childhood is Pulitzer Prize-winning author Annie Dillard’s poignant, vivid memoir of growing up in Pittsburgh in the 1950s and 60s.” Amazon summary,
  • It has approximately 70k words spread over 41 untitled chapters.
    • Note: at first, I was annoyed by the untitled chapters and then I realized that while each chapter was different, it also naturally flows from the previous one.
  •  And finally, “[An American Childhood] combines the child’s sense of wonder with the adult’s intelligence and is written in some of the finest prose that exists in contemporary America. It is a special sort of memoir that is entirely successful…This new book is [Annie Dillard’s] best, a joyous ode to her own happy childhood.” — Chicago Tribune

Unlike the first two books analyzed, Dillard’s book offers more nostalgia for bygone American culture and less humor than Bryson or Sedaris. That said, it is a wonderful read about a girl who loves to read and attempts to relive those written words in her own life.

Five more successful memoirs will be reviewed in the weeks to come. Please let me know what some of your favorite memoirs are.

Patrick Cole

Let’s Move Forward with Humility – CAC

Today’s message from the Center for Action and Contemplation (CAC) below is especially provocative for me. Two phrases jump out:

  • Healing people heal people
  • Let’s move forward with humility not righteousness

May these words of wisdom from Brian McLaren, Ayana Elizabeth Johnson and Katharine K. Wilkinson inspire all of us today.

Participating Today

Friday, January 10, 2025

Transformed people working together for a more just and connected world.  
CAC Vision Statement 

At the recent Students of Life conference, Brian McLaren encouraged the CAC community to practice “engaged contemplation” as a way to participate in a movement for healing, justice, and peace in the world: 

We know that what we do flows from who we are. Our work in the healing work in the world flows from the ongoing healing we experience within ourselves. Just like hurt people hurt people, healing people heal people. But it’s not like we get healed and then we go “fix” everybody else. We’ve met people who think that’s the case, but their sense of having it all together actually makes it harder for them to help others.  

At the CAC, we often refer to Henry Nouwen’s image of being “wounded healers.” Our own process of healing, with all its pain and difficulty, helps us participate humbly, gently, and sensitively in the ongoing healing of others and the world. I think that’s why so many of us are attracted to the work of engaged contemplation. We know that what we do flows from our being and becoming. In contemplation, we’re attending to the curation of our own inner being and becoming. What we do in the world around us flows from this inner lifelong process of healing and growth.… 

None of us know what the near or long-term future holds, but we can gain clarity within ourselves about how we want to show up. I want to show up as a person of peace, but not alone. I want to be in partnership with others to create a circle of peace—not a circle that puts up a wall to keep others out, but one that welcomes others in no matter what happens. We’re not the first ones who have tried to do this. We’ve got to look around, recognize, and be grateful for how many people are doing their part—what they are uniquely called and gifted to do…. 

We are so blessed in the Christian tradition to have so many amazing leaders and teachers who have been creating circles of healing and peace for generations. It is truly inspiring to learn from their examples. But our job is not only to learn from them, but more: to join them in this ongoing work in the world. Marine biologist Ayana Elizabeth Johnson and climate activist Katharine K. Wilkinson write, “Let’s move forward with love, not conquest; humility, not righteousness; generous curiosity, not hardened assumptions. It is a magnificent thing to be alive in a moment that matters so much. Let’s proceed with broken-open hearts, seeking truth, summoning courage, and focused on solutions.” [1] 

Can we accept this magnificent opportunity? To be alive in a moment that matters so much? Dare we believe that this contemplative work and exploration and study that we’re engaged with is not to just make us happier people, but rather to help us be partners together in loving action?  

References: 
[1] Ayana Elizabeth Johnson and Katharine K. Wilkinson, “Onward.” in All We Can Save: Truth, Courage, and Solutions for the Climate Crisis (One World, 2020), 374.  

Adapted from Brian McLaren, “Partnering Together in Loving Action,” Students of Life: The Webcast, Center for Action and Contemplation, November 3, 2024. Access unavailable. 

Memoir Analysis #2: Bill Bryson

http://www.amazon.com/Life-Times-Thunderbolt-Kid-Memoir

One way to determine if a memoir is ready for publication is to compare it to others that have already been proven successful. Continuing to aim very high, the second author and book selected for analysis is the 2006 book The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid by Bill Bryson. Here are a few quick observations:

  • this New York Times Bestseller is a “mix of exquisite detail and inspired exaggeration (which) all add up to the Truth with a capital T that rhymes with G that stands for out-loud guffaws” as reported by Scott Simon for NPR’s Weekend Edition Saturday,
  • it has approximately 81k words spread over 15 chapters, and
  • “The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid is steeped in … the sweet, simple pleasures of an all-American boyhood. Even the world-weariest of souls will be charmed.” Parade

While Bryson and Sedaris may be contemporaries in time and country, their memoirs are worlds apart and inspired by worlds that no longer exist.

Six more successful memoirs will be reviewed in the weeks to come. Please let me know what your thoughts are on memoirs in general and what makes them worth reading for you.

Slow but sure, Patrick Cole

Memoir Analysis #1 – David Sedaris

http://www.amazon.com/David-Sedaris-Book-Set-Corduroy

My goal is to publish a memoir by this time next year: December 29, 2025. I wrote and edited a first draft this year so I’m publicly acknowledging that I need at least a year to complete this publishing goal. More drafts, more editing, more polishing are necessary before it will ever see a bookshelf.

One way to determine if my memoir is ready for publication is to compare it to others that have already been proven successful. Clearly, I’m aiming very high by selecting David Sedaris as one standard for comparison. Based on a recommendation, I chose his 2004 book Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim for review. Here are a few observations for starters:

  • this #1 National Bestseller is “hilarious, elegant and …. Sedaris is a complete master of the form” as Chris Lehmann reported for Washington Post Book World,
  • it has approximately 77k words spread over 22 chapters, and
  • “Sedaris’s perennial themes are not simply played for self-deprecating laughs in this volume, but are made to yield a more Chekhovian brand of comedy” as reported by Michiko Kakutani for the New York Times.

I know, it’s audacious of me to compare my memoir to one of Sedaris’s many successes. But why not aim high?

I will be reviewing seven other successful memoirs in the weeks to come. In the meantime, please let me know what recommendations you have for writing a successful memoir.

Slow but sure, Patrick Cole