“I undertake the training rule to abstain from taking what is not given.”
This is a higher standard than “not stealing,” Lynn J Kelly explains with reference to Gil Frondal’s teaching of the second precept in her blog post link below.
Lynn J Kelly provides us with another “pearl of wisdom” with her post below. As she says:
“We want to train ourselves to avoid acting (or speaking) when we are angry or displeased. The mind state comes before the action and can be worked with before any harming occurs. The Buddha put this practice first on his list of guidelines for training laypeople because it may be the primary way we harm ourselves and others.”
May we avoid harming ourselves and others more skillfully today. _/\_
Yesterday, thousands of people, including my granddaughter, daughter, son-in-law and me, were part of an emotional stampede exiting a Dallas Convention Center thought to be attacked by a mass shooter. It turned out to be something far less threatening, yet there were many injuries and even more tears as parents tried to find their children during a contagious outbreak of mass hysteria. For more information see this news article: https://www.wfaa.com/article/news/local/dallas-county/downtown-dallas-texas-nca-cheerleader-competition-incident/287-5e8610ef-5b74-425e-b02f-da3d0f8f165a
I’m not a person that cries or screams but I still feel deep emotions, especially when many around me are overwhelmed with an existential fear for their children and themselves. During such crises, I get very focused on how to stay calm, how to collect loved ones and a safe place. Or, in other words, how to stay in the present moment and “make the main thing the main thing.” Fortunately, no one in our family was physically hurt and there were only a few cuts and scratches to my granddaughter’s team members incurred during their rush to safety. We are grateful for all of this.
Shakespeare wrote, “all’s well that ends well.” Julian of Norwich said, that ultimately, “all shall be well.” And of special comfort to me, Richard Rohr wrote the words shared below in his daily message: https://cac.org/daily-meditations/the-way-of-tears/
In his book The Tears of Things, Father Richard Rohr describes the path of tears as one that leads to sympathy with suffering and communion with reality.
Are we the only animal that cries and sheds tears as an emotional response? It seems so, but what function do they serve for us? Jesus says we should be happy if we can weep (Luke 6:21), but why? Tears seem to appear in situations of sadness, happiness, awe, and fear—and usually come unbidden. What is their free message to us and to those who observe them? Has humanity gotten the message yet? Whatever it is, it’s surely a message too deep for words.
In the first book of Virgil’s Aeneid (line 462), the hero Aeneas gazes at a mural depicting a battle of the Trojan War and the deaths of his friends and countrymen. He’s so moved with sorrow at the tragedy of it all that he speaks of “the tears of things” (lacrimae rerum). As Seamus Heaney translates it, “There are tears at the heart of things”—at the heart of our human experience. [1] Only tears can move both Aeneas and us beyond our deserved and paralyzing anger at evil, death, and injustice without losing the deep legitimacy of that anger.
This phrase “the tears of things” has continued to be quoted and requoted in many contexts over centuries. We find it on war memorials, in poetry, in the music of Franz Liszt, and in Pope Francis’ recent encyclical letter Fratelli Tutti. (I myself remember it because of a haggard, bent-over Latin teacher who would often enter the classroom moaning “Lacrimae rerum” several times before he began quizzing us.)
Because the phrase has no prepositions in Latin, it allows two meanings at the same time: Virgil seems to be saying that there are both “tears in things” and “tears for things.” And each of these tears leads to the other. Though translators often feel compelled to choose one or the other meaning, I believe the poet implies it is both.
There’s an inherent sadness and tragedy in almost all situations: in our relationships, our mistakes, our failures large and small, and even our victories. We must develop a very real empathy for this reality, knowing that we cannot fully fix things, entirely change them, or make them to our liking. This “way of tears,” and the deep vulnerability that it expresses, is opposed to our normal ways of seeking control through willpower, commandment, force, retribution, and violence. Instead, we begin in a state of empathy with and for things and people and events, which just might be the opposite of judgmentalism. It’s hard to be on the attack when you are weeping.
Prophets and mystics recognize what most of us do not—that all things have tears and all things deserve tears. The sympathy that wells up when we weep can be life changing, too, drawing us out of ourselves and into communion with those around us.
References:
[1] Seamus Heaney, shared in a 2008 essay broadcast on BBC Radio 3 as part of the Greek and Latin Voices series.
Adapted from Richard Rohr, The Tears of Things: Prophetic Wisdom for an Age of Outrage (Convergent, 2025), 96, 3–4.
Postscript: I wish you and yours a calm, safe and loving day today and in the days to come.
“Every action we take with words or body has a component of intention. The smallest ethical action has the power to set us on the path to awakening. Inversely, when we behave in a harmful way, towards ourselves or others, it sets a trajectory in a direction it would be better not to go.”
I’ve seen the truth of the above statement in both directions.
For the full blog written by Lynn J Kelly, see the link below.
http://www.amazon.com/How-Stay-Married-Insane-Story/
“Harrison Scott Key, winner of the Thurber Prize for American Humor, tells the shocking, “shot through with sharp humor” (The Washington Post), spiritually profound story of his journey through hell and back when infidelity threatens his marriage.” Amazon.com summary.
Harrison Scott Key delivers another comic-tragedy and this is the most revealing of all. Another heart-wrenching memoir that addresses all the pain of betrayal and the struggle to survive.
Here are a few quick observations:
Key’s memoir of infidelity and forgiveness are presented in a realistic, painful yet hopeful way … and I speak with some experience on this topic. Yes, there’s some “god talk” included but not as much as you might think. Or, in other words, you’re likely to enjoy this book regardless of your faith or no faith perspective.
This book is definitely worth reading at least once. I’ve read it three times so far and find more humor and wisdom with each read.
One more memoir analysis to come within the next week. Please let me know if you have any questions on this or previous analyses offered.
To healing,
Patrick Cole
Lynn J Kelly offers another provocative post on how important it is to question the stories we tell ourselves and then let them go.
Mindfulness can help us deal with our disappointments and faulty expectations. Check out the link below for more information.
Am I separate from the gloating MAGA hat wearer?
Check out today’s post from the Center for Action and Contemplation: The Pain of Separateness (cac.org/daily-meditations/the-pain-of-separateness/)
Highlights include:
Wearing my heart on my sleeve, I’ve become a human porcupine, the pain too intense to hide ….
Tibetan-American poet and writer, Lekey Leidecker, helps us recognize the anxiety we now experience. Provocative phrases such as those below are from her recent Tricycle article, Some Things Are Felt Through the Body:
Check out this heartfelt article at tricycle.org/article/lekey-leidecker-body/
Statue of Buddha at Magnolia Grove Monastery – picture taken by Patrick Cole
Spirituality + Health online magazine has shared another helpful article written by Victor M. Parachin. Highlights can be found below. For the full article see: https://www.spiritualityhealth.com/authors/victor-m-parachin-m-div-c-y-t
How to Find Inner Peace—the Buddhist Way
“Buddhism identifies inner peace as a sense of emotional, mental, and spiritual harmony, even as life’s challenges arise. When inner peace is present, there are strong feelings of serenity, balance, tranquility, and calmness. Here are some Buddhist methods of attaining inner peace:
The Dalai Lama notes that whenever negative emotions such as anxiety, anger, worry, or fear emerge, “We need some countermeasures to oppose them. For example, if we are too hot, we reduce the temperature, or if we want to remove darkness, there’s no other way than bringing light.”
When you’re feeling impoverished, practice gratitude; when you’re feeling sad, smile at every person you encounter; when you’re experiencing guilt, be extra kind to others; when you’re feeling discouraged, recall and savor what is good and right in your life.”
The Gottman Method speaks to looking at criticism as requests. One of their Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse, their method helps couples recover from relationship challenges. See this link for more information: https://www.regain.us/advice/general/what-are-the-four-horsemen-of-the-apocalypse-gottman-and-the-signs-of-relationship-strain/
For another variation on the theme for improving relationships, the Center for Action and Contemplation offers a series of meditations on Forgiveness and Mercy. Below is an excerpt from this week’s summary. For the full recap see: cac.org/daily-meditations/forgiveness-and-mercy-weekly-summary/
Praying to Forgive
Brian McLaren identifies how prayers of petition help us to experience forgiveness:
Since being wounded or sinned against is a terribly common experience, I suspect we need to pay more attention to it. In fact, being wronged is directly linked in the Lord’s Prayer to the reality of doing wrong; we pray, “forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.”
Father Richard Rohr says it well: Pain that isn’t processed is passed on. Pain that isn’t transformed is transmitted. So we need to process our woundedness with God, and that processing begins by naming the pain and holding it … in God’s presence:
Betrayed. Insulted. Taken advantage of. Lied to. Forgotten. Used. Abused. Belittled. Passed over. Cheated. Mocked. Snubbed. Robbed. Vandalized. Misunderstood. Misinterpreted. Excluded. Disrespected. Ripped off. Confused. Misled.
It’s important not to rush this process. We need to feel our feelings, to let the pain actually catch up with us…. I’ve found that it takes less energy to feel and process my pain than it does to suppress it or run away from it. So, just as through confession we name our own wrongs and feel regret, through petition we name and feel the pain that results from the wrongs of others…. We translate our pain into requests:
Comfort. Encouragement. Reassurance. Companionship. Vindication. Appreciation. Boundaries. Acknowledgement.
It’s important to note that we are not naming what we need the person who wronged us to do for us. If we focus on what we wish the antagonist would do to make us feel better, we unintentionally arm the antagonist with still more power to hurt us. Instead, in this naming, we are turning from the antagonist to God, focusing on what we need God to do for us. We’re opening our soul to receive healing from God’s ever present, ever generous Spirit.
Reference:
Brian D. McLaren, Naked Spirituality: A Life with God in 12 Simple Words (San Francisco, CA: HarperOne, 2011), 118–119.
Life Matters 