Category Archives: Wisdom

World Repair – Lynn J. Kelly

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I am amazed at how much pain is being inflicted by the new U.S. president and his administration team. I am astounded that so many Americans want this pain to occur. Fortunately, there are others who are looking for ways to counteract this pain and stop the cruelty we see.

Lynn J. Kelly, offers some gentle advice on how to we might respond to these trying times. Below is a quote, and a link, to her full message. I think you will find this very helpful today and, in the days, to come.

“Once we have accepted the overwhelming dukkha that is the news of our world, what can we do? We can acknowledge that we are close to powerless to alleviate all the suffering that we see around us. However, we can each find a way to dedicate some of our energy to a healing activity. …

Whatever we care about most will use our energy to best effect. We don’t have to feel helpless if we understand what we are doing and why. It is important to support both our mindfulness (internal) and something outside of ourselves that we care about (external).”

World Repair

Memoir Analysis #5: Harrison Scott Key

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http://www.amazon.com/How-Stay-Married-Insane-Story/

“Harrison Scott Key, winner of the Thurber Prize for American Humor, tells the shocking, “shot through with sharp humor” (The Washington Post), spiritually profound story of his journey through hell and back when infidelity threatens his marriage.” Amazon.com summary.

Harrison Scott Key delivers another comic-tragedy and this is the most revealing of all. Another heart-wrenching memoir that addresses all the pain of betrayal and the struggle to survive.

Here are a few quick observations:

  • “Do I really care about three hundred pages on some stranger’s marriage? It turns out I did … There is an energy to HOW TO STAY MARRIED that I haven’t previously experienced in a memoir … Shot through with sharp humor” Jane Smiley, The Washington Post
  • Approximately 90k words spread over 38 chapters … just when you think it’s over, the pain and love and pain and forgiveness start all over again
  • “I read Harrison Scott Key’s hilarious, raw, bracing, profound memoir and have been recommending it to everyone I know. Read it! I’ve never read anything else quite like it.” Eleanor Barkhorn, The Atlantic

Key’s memoir of infidelity and forgiveness are presented in a realistic, painful yet hopeful way … and I speak with some experience on this topic. Yes, there’s some “god talk” included but not as much as you might think. Or, in other words, you’re likely to enjoy this book regardless of your faith or no faith perspective.

This book is definitely worth reading at least once. I’ve read it three times so far and find more humor and wisdom with each read.

One more memoir analysis to come within the next week. Please let me know if you have any questions on this or previous analyses offered.

To healing,

Patrick Cole

Memoir Analysis #4: Sloane Crosley

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http://www.amazon.com/Grief-People-Sloane-Crosley

“A best book of 2024 “, GRIEF IS FOR PEOPLE by Sloane Crosley is the fourth book and author selected for memoir analysis. It’s a heart-wrenching memoir that addresses the theft of family jewelry AND even more devastating, loss of a best friend to suicide.

Here are a few quick observations:

  • “Is it wrong to say that a memoir about loss and grieving is fun to read? If so, I’m in trouble, because I enjoyed every word of this book. I also ached and suffered along with Sloane Crosley: Her portrait of mourning after the suicide of her best friend is gutting and deeply engaging.” Susan Orlean, author of The Orchard Thief,
  • It has approximately 57k words spread over 8 chapters.
  •  “Like Joan Didion’s The Year of Magical Thinking or Daniel Defoe’s A Journal of the Plague Year, Grief Is for People takes us through the ordinary, awful, and never-quite-ending experience of loss. It also made me laugh very hard, many times. I can’t stop thinking about it.” — John Mulaney

Unlike the three books previously reviewed, Crosley’s book offers a poignant, gallows humor, tale of two emotional losses in 2019 which were further exacerbated by the pandemic that hit the world and her NYC lifestyle.

While all our worlds were severely disrupted by Covid 19, Crosley’s, foggy upside-down, world began some six months earlier and still defines her life five years later. Perhaps time does heal but not nearly as fast as we would hope. This book is definitely worth reading now and in the future.

More successful memoirs will be reviewed in the weeks to come.

Let’s Move Forward with Humility – CAC

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Today’s message from the Center for Action and Contemplation (CAC) below is especially provocative for me. Two phrases jump out:

  • Healing people heal people
  • Let’s move forward with humility not righteousness

May these words of wisdom from Brian McLaren, Ayana Elizabeth Johnson and Katharine K. Wilkinson inspire all of us today.

Participating Today

Friday, January 10, 2025

Transformed people working together for a more just and connected world.  
—CAC Vision Statement 

At the recent Students of Life conference, Brian McLaren encouraged the CAC community to practice “engaged contemplation” as a way to participate in a movement for healing, justice, and peace in the world: 

We know that what we do flows from who we are. Our work in the healing work in the world flows from the ongoing healing we experience within ourselves. Just like hurt people hurt people, healing people heal people. But it’s not like we get healed and then we go “fix” everybody else. We’ve met people who think that’s the case, but their sense of having it all together actually makes it harder for them to help others.  

At the CAC, we often refer to Henry Nouwen’s image of being “wounded healers.” Our own process of healing, with all its pain and difficulty, helps us participate humbly, gently, and sensitively in the ongoing healing of others and the world. I think that’s why so many of us are attracted to the work of engaged contemplation. We know that what we do flows from our being and becoming. In contemplation, we’re attending to the curation of our own inner being and becoming. What we do in the world around us flows from this inner lifelong process of healing and growth.… 

None of us know what the near or long-term future holds, but we can gain clarity within ourselves about how we want to show up. I want to show up as a person of peace, but not alone. I want to be in partnership with others to create a circle of peace—not a circle that puts up a wall to keep others out, but one that welcomes others in no matter what happens. We’re not the first ones who have tried to do this. We’ve got to look around, recognize, and be grateful for how many people are doing their part—what they are uniquely called and gifted to do…. 

We are so blessed in the Christian tradition to have so many amazing leaders and teachers who have been creating circles of healing and peace for generations. It is truly inspiring to learn from their examples. But our job is not only to learn from them, but more: to join them in this ongoing work in the world. Marine biologist Ayana Elizabeth Johnson and climate activist Katharine K. Wilkinson write, “Let’s move forward with love, not conquest; humility, not righteousness; generous curiosity, not hardened assumptions. It is a magnificent thing to be alive in a moment that matters so much. Let’s proceed with broken-open hearts, seeking truth, summoning courage, and focused on solutions.” [1] 

Can we accept this magnificent opportunity? To be alive in a moment that matters so much? Dare we believe that this contemplative work and exploration and study that we’re engaged with is not to just make us happier people, but rather to help us be partners together in loving action?  

References: 
[1] Ayana Elizabeth Johnson and Katharine K. Wilkinson, “Onward.” in All We Can Save: Truth, Courage, and Solutions for the Climate Crisis (One World, 2020), 374.  

Adapted from Brian McLaren, “Partnering Together in Loving Action,” Students of Life: The Webcast, Center for Action and Contemplation, November 3, 2024. Access unavailable. 

Our Thoughts Don’t Make It True

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Am I separate from the gloating MAGA hat wearer?

Check out today’s post from the Center for Action and Contemplation: The Pain of Separateness (cac.org/daily-meditations/the-pain-of-separateness/)

Highlights include:

  1. “When we’re separate, everything becomes about protecting and defending ourselves. It can consume our lives.” 
  2. “Whenever we do anything unloving, at that moment, we’re out of union.”
  3. “Whatever separates us from one another—nationality, religion, ethnicity, economics, language—are all just accidentals that will all pass away.”
  4. “Every time we do something with respect, with love, with sympathy, with compassion, with caring, with service, we are operating in union.” 

How to Find Inner Peace – the Buddhist Way Excerpts

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Statue of Buddha at Magnolia Grove Monastery – picture taken by Patrick Cole

Spirituality + Health online magazine has shared another helpful article written by Victor M. Parachin. Highlights can be found below. For the full article see: https://www.spiritualityhealth.com/authors/victor-m-parachin-m-div-c-y-t

How to Find Inner Peace—the Buddhist Way

“Buddhism identifies inner peace as a sense of emotional, mental, and spiritual harmony, even as life’s challenges arise. When inner peace is present, there are strong feelings of serenity, balance, tranquility, and calmness. Here are some Buddhist methods of attaining inner peace:

  • Limit Desires
  • Practice CPR Meditation – calm, peaceful and relaxed
  • Don’t Gossip
  • Accept Help
  • Lighten Your Life, and
  • Cultivate Countermeasures

The Dalai Lama notes that whenever negative emotions such as anxiety, anger, worry, or fear emerge, “We need some countermeasures to oppose them. For example, if we are too hot, we reduce the temperature, or if we want to remove darkness, there’s no other way than bringing light.”

When you’re feeling impoverished, practice gratitude; when you’re feeling sad, smile at every person you encounter; when you’re experiencing guilt, be extra kind to others; when you’re feeling discouraged, recall and savor what is good and right in your life.”

Don’t Cling, Condemn or Forget and Remember to Vote

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In 20 days, another American election will take place. As always, there’s a lot of free-floating angst in our culture. How might we prepare for whatever outcomes arise?

Tricycle magazine offers a great article today on how best to deal with greed, hatred and delusion. It’s a summary of the twelve links of Dependent Origination written by Joseph Goldstein.

Remember to vote and check out these helpful and nonpartisan links below:

Dependent Origination: The Twelve Links Explained